


Another Night, Another fight

by VenusVance



Category: Batman (Comics), Red Robin (Comics), Under the Red Hood
Genre: Brothers, Depression, Friendship, Gen, Suicidal Thoughts, he wants to die, robins, tim is having a bad weekend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 20:51:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14173146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VenusVance/pseuds/VenusVance
Summary: Tim can’t help it. He can’t stop himself. This was not how he wanted to let it out. He didn’t want to let it out at all. But he failed. His mask was down. He was now lying on this cold roof, bleeding. Why? Why did it have to be Jason? Of all people why did he have to break down in front of Jason? Why wasn’t Jason pulling the trigger? He was begging him ‘do it’ because he knew he Jason may be the only person who’d do this favor for him. He was begging. Now he was crying. He was sobbing. He was still saying ‘do it’.





	Another Night, Another fight

**Author's Note:**

> read at your own risk. i wrote this to help people who suffer from depression and suicidal desires. there's always a way out. if any of you want to talk to someone when you feel like ending it all, you can always talk to me, as a stranger, i wont judge.  
> please leave a comment or even a thumbs up  
> here's a link to contact me https://this-girl-loves-batfam-comics.tumblr.com/

Another night, another patrol, another fight, another dead body, another regret and the na another morning  
Tim Drake sat on the couch in the lounge, a dusty, messy coffee table in front of him a broken LCD, corners of the room crowded with empty take out containers, the smell of expired food, the dust all over the small apartment building, the smell of blood dripping from him on the couch, the whole place smelled like a morgue. No, it smelled like death.  
He didn’t realize how long he had been sitting there, but he knew it was more than a couple minutes. The blood dripping from his left arm had stopped and the blood around his cut had dried. The blood on the couch and the coffee table was now dark in color. He laid halfway on the couch his feet legs on the white carpet now all covered in blood. He was there , just staring at the ceiling, it didn’t even hurt anymore. All those cut he took, they didn’t hurt at all, nothing hurt. He was empty. He was dead inside.  
After maybe a hour, or two, Tim couldn’t remember, her dragged himself to the smelly bathroom that hadn’t been clean in weeks. Toilet papers were all over the place. There was no soap. He took off his torn suit, threw his belt and cape on the bed and stepped under the shower. The water was cold, but he didn’t neutralized it with the hot water. He just stood. In the cold water. The blood from his arm. And hid fingers dripped all over the white tiles, slowly into the drain. The water was cold. But he couldn’t feel anything. He stood there. For 10 minutes. Maybe less. There was no soap. He didn’t bother. He dragged himself out without a towel. In the chills of November he didn’t feel cold. He didn’t feel the sword cut that had been better if wiped with medicine before exposing to water. But Tim, didn’t care. He just didn’t care anymore.  
Then he felt something, after hours he felt hunger. He opened the fridge, there was nothing. Nothing at all. It wasn’t really like this. Alfred always restocked his apartment. Cleaned it. Wiped it. With fruit cleansers. The smell of strawberries. But no, there was no Alfred. He was overseas for a month now. No one even knew Tim was still in Gotham, in the country, he was supposed to be in honk Kong. With Cass. Cass didn’t know he was coming so she didn’t ask why he didn’t come. Bruce though he was in honking s he didn’t check. Tim had been operating in the undergrounds so no one spotted Red Robin in the city. But what they didn’t know that Tim was barely alive.  
It was Lady Shiva yesterday. Her sword passed through Tim’s stomach, he barely made it home after she declared him weak, and that he had failed her test. What test>? He couldn’t remember. He did what he could with the patch work. Unfinished stitches. Just enough for him to make it to the next day  
Today it was killer croc in the sewers. He threw him hard against a pipe line. Tim may have a few broken ribs. Then he smashed his head in the wall. So hard then he almost passed out. While he ran to escape, his dizziness made him slice his arm from the sharp ends of a sign board. On his way back to his apartment, he lost grip of the grapple but thankfully he wasn’t that high up. He crashed on a GCPD mobile. But he collected himself. He walked. He ran. He climbed. He made it home. No. not home. The hell of his apartment.  
He looked around for his phone. To order another take out. But he could find it. He found a sachet of powdered coffee mix. He heated the milk. He made a cup. It tasted horrible for some reason. But he drank it. It was his medicine. The only thing that kept him sane. Or maybe, he just believed that.  
When he passed out he didn’t remember. When he woke up, it was night.  
It couldn’t have been the same night. It was 3 when he came home and the dark outside was certainly not of the dawn. No. he slept the whole day. How? His head hurts. But he remembers swallowing pills before. One of them must be a sleeping pill. Tim gets on his feet. His head hurts like hell and he can barely keep his balance. But he makes it anyway to the lounge to find blood all over, then he remembers the cut, at the very instance he feels the world of pain. From injuries he took months ago and the ones he took this week. His body felt paralyzed from all that pain. Every limb and tissue was hurting so much that Tim collapses on the ground. He just wants to lay there. He doesn’t was to get up. He doesn’t want to stay up. He wants to sleep. He wants to die. He wants to be at peace.  
Reason? He didn’t have any. No. he missed someone. He missed Steph. She left him. It was his fault. He missed dad. He was gone. He missed mom. Mom? She’s been gone for so long now. Tim is a horrible son. Dick visits his parents every month. Bruce does every Friday. Even Damian goes to Ra’s grave from time to time. He? He never once considered it. He’s a bad son. He misses them. Hell, he misses Dana. She was nice. She cared. He took them all for granted. It’s his fault.  
But were they the reason? He misses them often. He’s just having another episode. Another wave of desires. An urge to just end it all. He often had no reason, but why he felt like this was a mystery.  
He put on the suit. Once again. Another fight. Another night. Another cut. Another dead body. But Tim wishes it was his. This time, it was he who lies cold on a roof. Or a street. He didn’t care. He just wanted to hide.  
He takes out his grapple, fires it to the nearest sky scrapper. He swings looking down. Should he just loose the grip? It would be just one horrible accident and no one would blame him. His thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a gunshot. Then another. And another. He follows the direction. A roof. 3 dead bodies. 4 standing. The look like agents. There’s the Red Hood. Why would he kill government agents. They looked like FBI. Tim needed to stop him so he leaps forward. Tackles the Hood pushing him into the ground while the agents run.  
“What are you doing?” Red Hood struggles under his grip.  
“You’re not taking another life on my watch” Tim fight to keep him grounded.  
“You little…they’re getting away” Red Hood knees Red Robin in the guts pushing him on the side and takes the shot. He’s good. Two guns. Four bullets and the agents are down.  
Tim eyes are widened in shock. Then anger takes over. And he leaps on the Hood. “You monster! Murderer!” he shouts punching Red Hood on the face. He is now down on the ground but he’s also angry  
“I don’t want to fight you, Red” he says calming himself but Tim doesn’t listen. He’s angry. 4 men got killed on his watch. He’s to blame. No! It’s Hood’s fault. And he didn’t stop him.  
“You killed them! In Gotham! We don’t kill!” he shouts punching the older boy’s jaw  
“`What’s wrong with you Tim? I didn’t kill anyone” Red Hood is now less angry more confused. He blocks Red Robin’s blow and punches but for how long. A kick sends him flying off the roof but Tim is good and Red Hood knows it. In an instance his grapple is fired and he’s now climbing back.  
The two fight. At first Jason held back, because he was concerned why Tim was acting that way. But he only had so much patience  
If it’s a fight you want, you’ve got it” Red Hood’s swing sent his crashing on the ground. Now they’re both fighting with the fullest. A few more minutes. Jason has a broken rib. Tim has a bleeding nose but they’re still fighting and Red Hood is winning. Tim isn’t used to let anger guide him but Red Hood takes full advantage of rage. So, He’s wining. Tim is now on the ground. Sweating. Bleeding. His hairs over his face. Jason has a foot on his throat and a gun pointed to his face and he is huffing. Gritting his teeth. His helmet is broken from the right side. The Red domino mask hides most of his expressions but he’s angry as hell and Tim is now mildly afraid.  
Another minutes and Jason doesn’t take his foot of his throat. Tim chokes for breath.  
“Just… just do it already” Tim chokes on the words but he feels so good saying that.  
“Do it” he snaps now. Jason removes his foot from him “do it!” he snaps loudly again still on the ground. “Do it, dam you!” he’s now pleading. “DO IT. I BEG YOU. PULL THE DAMNED TRIGGER” hot tears are now dripping on his cheeks.  
Jason tucks the gun back. He’s now just standing, bewildered, shocked. He’s looking at the sobbing Tim. Who’s still murmuring ‘do it’  
Tim can’t help it. He can’t stop himself. This was not how he wanted to let it out. He didn’t want to let it out at all. But he failed. His mask was down. He was now lying on this cold roof, bleeding. Why? Why did it have to be Jason? Of all people why did he have to break down in front of Jason? Why wasn’t Jason pulling the trigger? He was begging him ‘do it’ because he knew he Jason may be the only person who’d do this favor for him. He was begging. Now he was crying. He was sobbing. He was still saying ‘do it’. Jason’s tall figure standing front of him. There wasn’t a gun anymore. He was just standing there. Looking on him. He was confused. It was all going black. And maybe- maybe- he was finally getting his wish. It was all going black. He was dying. It all goes black.  
\-----  
When Tim wakes up, he finds himself on his bed. He tries to feel the headache he gets every time he wakes up but it’s not there. Is he dead? Is he dreaming? Because this sure as heck wasn’t how he left his room. The curtains of his small window are open wide. Sunshine is lighting up his room. By the looks of the room, it’s probably 10 am. Tim struggles to get out of bed but his back hurts so much but still he manages to sit up straight. Rubbing his eyes he looks around the room. It was definitely his room but it was…so clean? The dirty laundry that was around the room just 10 hours ago was gone. The empty coffee mugs were gone. His sheets were replaced from the bloody ones to clean ones. His room smelt like strawberries. Alfred? Tim thought to himself. Maybe Alfred was finally back. But how did he get back here? Then he remembered. Fighting. Loosing. Passing out. And Jason! Then he heard rattles from the kitchen. Someone was in his apartment. Please don’t let it be Jason. Please. He was practically praying in his head.  
Tim quickly got out of bed ignoring his back. He was still in the body armor underneath his suit but his cape and cowl were gone. Tim opened his door to the lounge to find the mother of all nightmares. Jason was standing in his kitchen leaning against the counter beside the running coffee machine. He was looking at his phone and didn’t notice Tim. Tim examined him and the kitchen standing at the same place by his door for minutes. Jason was wearing one of Tim’s hoodie which was a lot loose on Tim but fit perfectly on Jason. The dirty dishes were all gone. The plates were in their places. The mugs were all neatly on their stand. The trash bin of the kitchen was now clean and empty. Tim stood there in shock looking at Jason, part of him wanted to kick his ass, the other part wanted to run away from this embarrassment he brought upon himself last night. He wanted to smash his hated against something hard to avoid Jason’s acidic comments he was about to give. After a minute probably, Jason looked up from his phone at Tim. Slightly smiling at him  
“How long are you gonna stand there?” he asked turning toward the machine. He knew Tim was there all along. Shit!  
Tim took a few steps forward to look around. The laundry was now in the machine. The couch was all clean. The floor all mopped and cleaned. The trash was gone. It was just like it was when Alfred visited. God! Tim wished to heaven that Jason could get replaced by Alfred right now. But sadly this was not happening. Jason would probably hold this against Tim for years and Tim was feeling stupid for ever leaving his apartment last night. Stupid! Stupid!  
“Here, I now you can’t function without this” Jason said handing him the coffee mug and throwing himself at the couch. His feet were on the coffee table and he was now turning pages of a book. Probably one of the books Alfred left for Tim to read in his ‘spare time’  
“What are you gonna stand here for the whole day? There’s a plate of toast on the counter. Get it yourself and fill that stupid stomach of yours” Jason ordered still looking at his book.  
“What are you doing here” Tim managed to asked picking up the plate  
“You’re welcome, you turd” Jason hissed throwing the book on the table. “Now, fucking eat so I can get the hell out. Damn Alfred for making me do this” Jason grinned slightly annoyed but otherwise in a good mood  
“You…You told Alfred?” Tim asked setting himself on the other end of the couch.  
“I’m not the den mother of this god forsaken family. Besides, you were scaring me” Jason said quietly not looking at Tim  
“Who else? Tim asked a bit afraid. He was sure the whole crew knew about his episode by now and they were probably waiting to ambush him and humiliate him about it right outside his door.  
“No one” Jason hissed looking a bit annoyed. “You didn’t expect me to run to Bruce with your dead body. He can go to hell. Damned idiot is gonna get another killed” Jason’s voice was full of anger but Tim could hear the concern in it.  
“It isn’t his fault” Tim retorted sipping his coffee  
“Yeah. Like hell it isn’t. Everyone thinks that” Jason said carelessly folding his hand on the back of his head.  
“Seriously, Hood. Bruce has nothing to do with it. I.. just get like that sometimes” Tim didn’t want o have this conversation. He didn’t want to talk about last night at all. Much less to Jason but here he was, having the conversation, with Jason, about last night. Sigh. Life was so messed up.  
”yeah ‘that’ you get like ‘that’. And it’s his fault. Should have let you have a normal life. Bastard doesn’t know how much he’s fucking up people” Jason once again said angrily. But at least he wasn’t picking on him like Tim feared.  
“You…killed those men, last night” Tim changed the topic setting the empty mug down. A bit of anger took over his voice  
“First, you’re supposed to be in Honk Kong, aren’t you, second, how long ago did you tune into the frequency we all use?” Jason said readjusting himself to meet Tim’s gaze  
“I… yes, I am supposed to be with Cass. And no, it’s been a week since I tuned in” Tim replied looking at the empty coffee mug ignoring the fact that Jason ignored his question.  
“Well then birdbrain, they weren’t men, they were effing bio mechanical androids that penguin smuggled from star lab’s shipment. Not like I wouldn’t have killed any fuckers but just for your information.” Jason explained sinking deeply into the couch.  
“I didn’t know” Tim said a little guilty. “But you could have said so” he defended  
“Yeah” Jason scoffed “pfft, like you gave me a warning before you decided to take on me. You little shit you broken my ribs too” he moaned placing his hand on his rib cage  
“Sorry” Tim said quietly looking down on his lap.  
“Hey!” Jason warned sitting up “don’t have that look on your face you little! I don’t think I can handle another one of your episodes. Two broken ribs are enough” Jason sounded a bit worried but Tim couldn’t help but giggle at his pleading  
“I’m leaving. You’re welcome you little weasel.” Jason said standing up and walking towards his jacket. Tim watched as he took off Tim’s hooded shirt and put on his own. Then sliding his jacket back up.  
“Here” Jason said holding out the red shirt in front of Tim who was now smiling a bit “and it was such a soft shirt too” Jason added standing there with the shirt still in his hands.  
“No, keep it” Tim smiled. “It’s big on me anyway”  
“Okay, but I’m not giving it back” Jason grinned at him folding the shirt. “oh and next time Tim…?” Jason’s voice got serious.  
“hm?” Tim asked  
”next time, go talk to Dick one some one. Babs perhaps. Don’ let those fuckers give you nightmares. You’re too young to be visiting the other side. It’s not great, from personal experience” Jason said tucking the helmet in his arm an d opening the apartment door.  
“Thanks” Tim said softly. “…For not telling Bruce. And for… not killing me”  
“Nah, I’m just saving your kill for a rainy day” Jason laughed a bit, and Tim let out a giggle too.  
“By the way, you owe me like 400 dollars. I restocked your stupid fridge” Jason said stepping out the door  
“400!” Tim’s eyes widened in shock  
“I was sure to pick up the most expensive products” he smirked at him before walking out the hallway  
“You ass!” Tim called back but he wasn’t angry. He was happy. He felt good. He stood there even after Jason left his sight. He just stood there feeling good. Better than he had in a long time.  
The end!


End file.
